spring is here i hear

Oh happy day!

 

 A certain gladness filled my soul when I woke this morning. Perhaps twas the result of a glorious night or the simple sweetness of spring.

 

I got a wee bit excited for the season and stitched my joyful sentiments on pieces from my Grammy's collection of pretty things. Favourites from Ella Fitzgerald filled my bedroom and I sang along while I sewed..

 

salutations springtime

melt my cares away

turn around bright eyes

At the very start of last week I wrote a new song called Hide Away. It made me realise that I have been somewhat lost for a time..

Since he left on that Tuesday in July I have wandered through days unsure of the soul that I am. My cup of confidence has never been full but it is surely emptier than it was before he walked away. I am finding it hard to be comfortable like I always was.

For more than three hundred days I heard daily how much I was adored. With those words no longer lingering I am becoming shy. More so than is usual for a wallflower.

Discovering darkness is difficult. It is frightening. Trying to tiptoe around it is near impossible. It is tiring.

I have always been content in the company of my own soul. I seldom felt the need for somebody else, seldom felt so lonely until now. So such feelings are new. They are troubling.

I feel awkward. Anxious and uncertain.

Things are getting better though. Much better.

My lengthy limbs are slowly stumbling out of my shell and I am finding my way. I am beginning to realise that there is much to be happy about.

Days are getting brighter and my boots are getting lighter. Faces seem friendlier and not so frightening. My cup is filling up and so, I am thankful.

Towards the end of the week I wrote another song called Forget Me. It made me realise that if I am to have a house, a man, a baby and delilah the cow I must keep my chin up.

And I will.


HIDE AWAY
am i a little too late to wonder where i am, a little too far to hold your hand?
is it too late to question, to ask why you ran?
does it all make sense in your mind or does it fold and flicker, do you find -

when you're quiet it comes to life? does it eat you from the inside?
in the darkness of the light are you alright or do you hide away from all mankind?

like a freckle on your chest or on your shoulder, a mark he made when he would hold you.
are you afraid of living, of getting older?
does it all make sense in your mind or does it fold and flicker, do you find -

when you're quiet it comes to life? does it eat you from the inside?
in the darkness of the light are you alright or do you hide away?

does it all make sense in your head or does it fumble over all the things you said?

and when you're quiet does it come to life? does it eat you from the inside?
in the darkness of the light are you alright or do you hide away?
do you hide away?
hide away..


FORGET ME
there is love lingering just around the corner. let it grow before i know ya.
i will make a home before you get here, make a place to hold your heart dear.
all the while i'll leave it lingering around the corner.

don't forget.
don't forget me.

i find it hard not to wonder, not to think about.
'cause you've got me under, got me waiting just around the corner.
lt me grow before i know ya.
i will make a home before you get here, make a place to hold your heart dear.
all the while i'll leave it lingering around the corner.

don't forget.
don't forget me.

there is love lingering just around the corner. let it grow before i know ya.
i will make a home before you get here, make a place to hold your heart dear.
all the while i'll leave it lingering around the corner.

don't forget.
don't forget me.

hey lady lay

Meet my sister.

It took us all but fifteen years to blossom and to grow a friendship beyond simply being sisters, but it was well worth the wait. I couldn't be happier to be the bigger one, to be planning post graduate adventures with my one and only and to be seeing that things will only get better.

In my travels through photographs of the last two years I stumbled upon a moment captured on my 18th birthday.

Sometimes I miss my long hair and where I was. Often I miss having a bedroom with a window and a place to put my things. Almost always I am thankful for all I have witnessed since then, for all that has become something or nothing. And forever will I be thankful for all that I remember.

Just in case your ears needed some sweet lovin' while you read..

south of somewhere

So we spent the weekend down south and oh glory.

We spent two nights in a tent by Crooked River. Our tent had a bath and electricity which proved glorious additions. Saturday morning saw french toast and toes in the sand of Seven Mile Beach. By afternoon we were acquainted with Berry and Kiama too. Sunday sent us to church. Inside the white bricked building sheltered from the sunshine we met friendly folk who quite frankly made me feel like one hundred dollars. They were happy and their hearts were kind.
We truly saw the sun and felt it on our skin and we watched the waves roll in. I found all that I want in a house made of branches on a hill I will call my own.
To wake up to birds and not beeps is a feeling that I want infinitely. To meddle in fields and amble over hills, to dream to the sound of silence. I'd very much like to buy a cow and call it Delilah and raise a baby with a man by my side.
In the meantime I will keep my hands busy and put my dreams on paper. When two years have passed and I am an artist I will pack my things and go..

So I'll spend a life down south and oh glory.



I think Milkwood Bakery pies will be a weekly treat.



the perks of being a wallflower

The Wallflower, as its name tells you, likes to grow on walls. In early spring you will see it on the top of old walls or high up on the broken roof of a ruined castle. How did it get there? The wind or the birds must have carried the seed. 
The flowers are a rich golden yellow, and they have a delightful scent. Each flower has four beautiful petals, which are broad above with a long strap forming the lower part. 
In the centre where these four petals meet, you can just see the tips of the stamens peeping out: but the seed-vessel is hidden from sight.
The four sepals are a dark purple colour, and they form a cup in which the lower or strap-shaped part of the petal is held.
Those flowers which are nearest the foot of the stem open first. You will often find eight or ten yellow flowers blooming at the same time and a bunch of dark purple buds at the end of the stem. 
The stem of the Wallflower is tough and woody near the ground, but further up it is green and smooth.
The leaves are narrow pointed straps with smooth edges. They are dark green, but sometimes they have a touch of purple at the tips. 

- FLOWERS SHOWN TO THE CHILDREN by JANET HARVEY KELMAN described by C. E. SMITH


I found this book in my sister's sunny room today and was a little troubled as to how I had never noticed it there before. One of the first flowers described is the Wallflower.
I often think of myself as a Wallflower. I tend to keep to the walls and observe. I know things but do not say much. I am shy and delicate and am carried higher by those around me. Wallflowers are small I know and sometimes go unnoticed but I am okay with that.

sometimes the blue is just a passing bird

So he is gone. He left on a jet plane, don't know when he'll be back again.

I was brave, until he was out of sight. I turned to walk away and something happened. I realised what had just occurred. I raised a quivering hand to console my trembling lips.

"Kenz, don't cry when I leave", he had told me. I said I would try my best to be brave, but with my arms by my sides without a hand to hold and my feet scuffing the white polished floor without an echo beside them, I had to give up.
"Remember what I told you", he said as he squeezed me tight. I said I would try to remember.

"I love you too", he said just before he let go..


Please know that you are wonderful. Know that I love you, I love us. Even now. Know that when enough years have gone by to enable us to look back on them we will do so with joy. Know that I am thankful for it all.
Know that I miss your company. And please, please don't forget anything. Ever.

comin' round the mountain

My main Swede and his Sidekick took me to the mountains on the weekend and my, what a wonderful time it was! We saw caves and rivers and even stumbled upon the feathers of a missing bird. I wanted to gather them all up and make a feathered head dress, alas I did not. 

On Monday evening we went to the Drive In cinema for a double whammy film night and a wee fun time.