monday

HELLO SUNSHINE.

Thank you for teaching me how to breathe and how to stop thinking. Thank you for teaching me to meditate and how to find peace in the darkness.
On Sunday night I was so calm after counting my breaths and not thinking that I very nearly fell asleep on the floor with a candle still burning.
Thank you for reminding me to smile. Sometimes it is easy to forget that I need not be afraid. For I know deep down that you are always in the sky somewhere in my world. Looking down and loving me with your light.
I think that people fear the sun and so they block you out; hide in shadows. Not I. You are too good, too glorious.

HELLO VIEW.

It is barely Saturday and I am smiling to myself in the moonshine. Though my eyes have been tired, the days just passed have been wonderful. Worlds are spinning in time and I am happy.

I am falling in love with people and places and things that I didn't expect I would. I am learning a lot about my world and what makes it turn: art, the making of art, the making of music, music, and people that are different.

My world is really a magical place and I am lucky. I am lucky to have folk that fill my heart and soul with joy, always. I am lucky to have the mind that I do and for happy thoughts to fill my days.

looking out for love

I love a lot of things. This week I especially love Joni Mitchell, printmaking, and the naming of colours.

I am only now coming to realise just how wonderful dear Joni is. Growing up I knew Big Yellow Taxi inside out but not much else. I feel like I've been missing out all this time, all of my almost twenty-one years of living. My daughters will listen to Joni Mitchell from the very start.

I voluntarily spent five hours of my Friday at university printing and printing. Black and blue. Over and over again. If I could spent all my moments in that studio I would, I love it so. One of my favourite things about printmaking is that accidents can be ace. I'm gladder than glad that I took a great gal's word and chose to be a printmaker.

My love for colour names is perhaps greater that for the colour itself. Sometimes a thing is so much more than just brown or just blue. Even when a thing is black it is not just black. Etsy is a great place for colour name hunting and so are paint cards. So far I think my most favourite ever is 'soft cocoa'. Though 'passport blue' is pretty dandy and has definitely earned a prime place on my list.

From now on I suggest y'all:
A: listen to more Joni Mitchell.
B: do more things that you love.
C: use more words when you talk about colours.

the depths of the blue

I woke up in a dream the other day like I often do, though on this day it was deeper and almost dark. My mind was somewhere I'm not sure it has been before.

In the morning made my sister breakfast and cut her eggs and toast in the shape of love hearts.

In the evening I ran away to the sea, bare feet on earth carrying me fast. I lit candles in small caves, watched ocean winds eat the flames. I searched for something I didn't find until I was in a bath in my dear brother's home. Peace. It was in the words a person spoke and it filled my soul. I drifted into a dream different from the one I awoke in. The water turned cold but still I stayed and still I slumbered.

This magical piece of music played over and over and over again on this day. As I listened I thought.



 

People do things. People misjudge the depth of the deep blue. They jump from the highest heights and sink before they get a chance to swim. They get swallowed by the sea and then from the bottom of the blue they beckon for the moon to follow them down so that they might be able to see a way out. But mostly it doesn't. Sometimes a part of them wants to stay because this place is strangely comforting. The darkness of the deepest blue builds walls about them and sometimes they do stay. These are the people that make the waves. Some people start to kick their legs but never make it to the top. These are the people that make the sounds of the sea. The roar that they tell you is the water really isn't. It is those below that make the noise. The people that wake in the white wash and are carried on their feet again are fearful. They will whisper through the wind and wish for you to curse, not caress the blue. I say do. Do. The depths of the blue will refine you.

take me back

In my heart I just decided that I want to go back to London because here in this moment and in this town I feel somewhat lost and uncertain. Something is missing and I think that thing is my whole entire heart. I feel that she stole it and if I am to settle by the sea in this place I need to go back to retrieve that old heart of mine and bring it home.
I miss London a lot. She taught me a lot. Surely she misses me too, the glorious times we had. 
I just wrote a song about my love and longing for my lovely London.


Take me back, pretty thing.
Lovely thing, let me in.

I was a fool to leave you, fool to be the one I was.
Me.
I sold my sensibility to the sky.
Saints are demons in the night.
I was a fool to say goodbye.

Take me back, pretty thing.
Lovely thing, let me in.

I fell for you, all over you.
Fell in the darkest hour.
Devoured.
I am love lost in memories.
Fill me with air to breathe.
Breath from every chimney.

New life give to me.

Take me back, pretty thing.
Lovely thing, let me in.


Also, love is a really strange thing.

sing me to sleep

A brand new day is less than an hour away and I'm not sure that I want to see it. I think I'd like to hibernate and sleep away the storm in my soul. Manufacture z's and plead in my dreams for my mind to clear all the clouds. Except the one that clothes the sun, I need that cloud. I need it a lot.

Happy new year. Hope it is storm free and easy.

nothin' but time

It is three am on a Saturday. Where did the evening go? Oh I don't know.

Swallowed up by solitude my soul has forgotten how to rest. This week has been strange and is unusual still. 

Dividing thoughts and discarding those unnecessary is a harder task than i thought it might be. My mind feels as big as the sea and just as deep. Maybe deeper. Definitely deeper. I know because i took the biggest thought and placed it on the bottom of my ocean mind and then used my fingers to count how many days it took to float to the top. 

Time can be daunting when with each moment comes another thought. 'Be brave', I say. 'Be brave!' For time is all that the world can give and all that I can give myself. Nothin' but time. 

Cat Power gave me ten minutes and fifty-six seconds of bliss over and over this evening to calm my sea. You should listen to it too, if you got the weight on your mind.

It is three thirty-one am on a Saturday. 

i am little river

and today I went exploring.

I let the caves cradle my solitary soul; the waves wash the thoughts from my mind. All but one. Far too beautiful to let go.

I let myself get lost.

I wanted to stay there in this place, stay lost but the evening winds blew me away from the deep blue. Lifted my sun kissed skin to the skies and I danced in a dream. It was there that I stayed.