sing me to sleep

A brand new day is less than an hour away and I'm not sure that I want to see it. I think I'd like to hibernate and sleep away the storm in my soul. Manufacture z's and plead in my dreams for my mind to clear all the clouds. Except the one that clothes the sun, I need that cloud. I need it a lot.

Happy new year. Hope it is storm free and easy.

nothin' but time

It is three am on a Saturday. Where did the evening go? Oh I don't know.

Swallowed up by solitude my soul has forgotten how to rest. This week has been strange and is unusual still. 

Dividing thoughts and discarding those unnecessary is a harder task than i thought it might be. My mind feels as big as the sea and just as deep. Maybe deeper. Definitely deeper. I know because i took the biggest thought and placed it on the bottom of my ocean mind and then used my fingers to count how many days it took to float to the top. 

Time can be daunting when with each moment comes another thought. 'Be brave', I say. 'Be brave!' For time is all that the world can give and all that I can give myself. Nothin' but time. 

Cat Power gave me ten minutes and fifty-six seconds of bliss over and over this evening to calm my sea. You should listen to it too, if you got the weight on your mind.

It is three thirty-one am on a Saturday. 

i am little river

and today I went exploring.

I let the caves cradle my solitary soul; the waves wash the thoughts from my mind. All but one. Far too beautiful to let go.

I let myself get lost.

I wanted to stay there in this place, stay lost but the evening winds blew me away from the deep blue. Lifted my sun kissed skin to the skies and I danced in a dream. It was there that I stayed.

twenty

On Saturday it was my Birthday. I spent the weekend down South with some of my most favourite people. In the world. The whole world.

On Friday I drove Mumma and I there. The sounds of Angus Stone leaked from the stereo. We went straight to Milkwood Bakery for pies that we had been waiting weeks for. Then we pitched a tent, with the help of a friendly man who saw that we were struggling. It was an enormous tent, to be fair.  

Later in the afternoon we went swimming in the deep blue sea and perused surrounding suburbs. When the moon was on the rise I was in the midst of building a fire on the beach but then it started to rain. I was so disappointed. My fire was going to be brilliant. I swear! 

On my big day Milkwood Bakery beckoned us back for breakfast. So we sat on stools by the window and watched passers by while we ate. With our bellies full we were on the road again. This time to Nowra to meet our friend Fiona. She showed us places that she thought I would love. And I did. So much so.  

In the afternoon sun Susan the van took Brad, Fiona, Ma, Reed, Noah, Abel and I to Currarong for a picnic by the sea. Pa and Trinie came too. We stayed for hours. Talking and laughing and eating.  

Along with Sunday morning came sunshine. Lots of it. We went to church and met with friendly faces. When the three hours had passed Mum and I went to a blue house at the bottom of a hill. I saw Heagney family photographs and I sang songs upon their request. 

It was a perfect afternoon and I was so thankful. 

I am in love with this place. One day I will call it home. 

all that you are

This week I saw somebody lovely. A man that I have been infatuated with for quite some time. His name is Angus and once he told me I have beautiful eyes. He knows the way to my heart. If only I knew the way to his.

He sang a song called BE WHAT YOU BE and it was my favourite. 

only moments

I have not written in the longest time and for that I do apologise.

So much has happened and a lot has changed.

 

I am almost twenty.  

 

I have finished year one of Fine Arts. I have learnt a lot.

 

I have old feelings for him and new ones for another. Both souls are far from home. Him forever and the other not for long.

 

I have grown. I speak louder. I talk to strangers. I am not afraid. 

 

 

All of these are only moments but I do hope that you can conjure up in your minds the minutes and the hours..